Kslave2000's Blog

Bittersweet Goodbye Road Dawgs

kslave2000 — Sat, 15 Jan 2011 16:41:22 +0000

For the past 5.5 years I have served in the California Army National Guard and that time is quickly coming to a close. I will be happy to say goodbye and saddened as well.

Without the military my life would be different and not a good different. I would be nothing more than another coked out stripper swinging on a pole waiting for my next line in the restroom. Thanks to the military and their wonderful discipline that I so desperately needed, I have been sober for 5 years and have learned the most random of skills needed to survive in this world. I can deal with HUGE amounts of stress without cracking and have learned to work with people of many different personalities. I can look at my children and know that I have so much more to offer them now.

I will miss waking up and pulling on my uniform and knowing that I made the right choice and that I have served willingly and proudly. I will miss the training because it compares to no other. But most of all; I will miss the wonderful people I have met.

I want to thank each and every soldier that has touched my life. You all have taught me so many things whether you knew it or not.

I want to give a special thank you to my unit, 756th TC, you have been my home away from home and all of you will always be in my thoughts and prayers.

May the Morrigan bless you during all of your own battles!

Goodbye Road Dawgs! HOOAH!

Filed under: Contemplations, Uncategorized Tagged: 756th tc, army, Contemplations, military, national guard, Rant, thoughts

I love Mad Libs!!

kslave2000 — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 00:09:55 +0000

My favorite store is the Ferocious Spot candy store. They have more Juggalo than you can fit in your cankel. There are chocolate-covered backne, tasty jelly beans, and clumpy never-ending lollipops. You can poop them for hours and they never shrink! One time, I dared my palsied little brother to stick five super spicy bedpan in his uvula for a full minute. After ten seconds, he started to masturbate and then his face turned all krunk. My mom got so minidicked when she found out. I wasn’t allowed to scrape any kind of pterodactyl for a whole month. Boy, did I learn a calloused lesson! Next, time I’ll dare hi to put them in his rectum instead.

Filed under: Horror/Suspense

When the Last Beatle Dies…-by Stephen Shepard

kslave2000 — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 15:54:17 +0000

When the last Beatle dies, whether it be Paul or Ringo, the world will feel an epic sadness like no other. Moments of silence will carry over the planet, reminding us why we loved the Beatles so much.

Massive amounts of bands and musical artists will simply give up knowing that an era has ended. Because we all truly know that it was the Beatles who taught the world how to rock and roll (by having English kids cover Chuck Berry songs).

It is then, and only then, that we will have an artistic decline. A “backwards renaissance”, if you will. We will then fall into an economic disaster like no other. We will invoke a new dark age of slavery and war, hell bent on ripping one another apart at the seems, physically and emotionally. For without the Beatles, mankind will be doomed.

It is only after a century of war (and an eon of natural disasters) that a child will find an old iPod of some sort, I don’t know if it’s an iPod nano, or a shuffle, who cares? A child will find an old copy of “Let It Be”. Having found something wonderful and amazing. (Since we all know that the future has no music, and happens to be epically dismal and sad) The child will bring the album to their respective president or leader or what have you and say,

“Play this, …please.”

Then the president will uplink the Beatle’s masterpiece to the super-duper internet. (The one that only members of royal families and presidential leader types are allowed to have…we’re in the future now, stay with me here) And, it will be broadcast across the globe. Instantly, it will end all violence in contact of its wonderful tones and harmonies. It will inspire the world to end hunger and poverty and unite for a brief moment of piece.

That’s what will happen, when the last Beatle dies.

Filed under: Art Related, Contemplations Tagged: acting, art, bands, beatles, contemplation, dance, death, festival, future, guilty, local, love, merchandise, music, paul, Poem, Rant, ringo, sex, singing, spiritual, therapy, thought

God hates gays, drunks, sex addicts, and even your mother! – by Stephen Shepard

kslave2000 — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 14:45:07 +0000

(After the recent news about Prop 8, I decided to do some research. The conclusion I came to is: WE ARE ALL FUCKED!!!)

What does the Bible say about homosexuality?

There are those who like to say that the Bible does not condemn homosexuality. Various verses are cited (out of context) and the verses that people use to show that homosexuality is wrong are explained away. The world wants to change God’s words and meanings into something more suitable to its sinful desires. Nevertheless, the truth stands: The Bible condemns homosexuality as a sin. Let’s look at what it says.

Lev. 18:22, “You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination.”

Lev. 20:13, “If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death. Their bloodguiltness is upon them”

(side note: bloodguiltiness is not a word, and it actually appears in the Bible)

1 Cor. 6:9-10, “Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, shall inherit the kingdom of God.”

(Read the words of the last verse carefully my friends. If you want I can translate. It says: If you have sex and are not married you are sinning, if you don’t praise God you are sinning, if you cheat on your significant other you are sinning, if you act “girly” you are sinning, if you are a man who likes men you are sinning, if you steal, lie, or get drunk you are sinning.

Now pause and read that last sentence. If you are drunk, YOU ARE SINNING! Take that to heart next time your drunken redneck friends are rambling about queers and lesbos. Cuz chances are they will be raped in eternal flames right next to all the homos, liars, cheaters and deadbeats!)

Filed under: Contemplations Tagged: adulterers, advice, bible, bloodguiltiness, cheaters, contemplation, Cor. 6:9-10, covetous, deadbeats, drunkards, drunks, effeminate, fornicators, gay, god, guilty, holy bible, homos, homosexuality, idolaters, kingdom of God, lesbian, Lev. 18:22, Lev. 20:13, liars, love, prop 8, Rant, religion, Religious, revilers, sex, sin, swindlers, therapy, thieves, thought, thoughts

“The Big C”, a rather unkind TV show review – by Stephen Shepard

kslave2000 — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 02:26:21 +0000

As I was scrolling through random pictures on the web I came across an ad for a new TV show that looks like the worst piece of television/acting/writing bullshit EVER!

It’s called “The Big C” (which unfortunately is not what I thought it stood for). This show is about a middle-aged white woman who finally learns that you can jump on the couch and not give a shit about stuff only AFTER she is diagnosed with cancer.

This is why America sucks. We think (as a society) that achieving maturity is some sort of grand step in life, while forgetting that acting free like a child is truly what we desire. How many TV shows and movies have you seen with this premise? The average middle aged white woman is down on her luck until she finds out she has some sort of terminal disease, (“Oh no! Now, I am gonna die!”, is what is running through her mind) now it’s time to do all those things I wish I could have done in a short amount of time. Although, not enough time to actually enjoy it, only just enough time to watch an average white actress do a bunch of silly and outrageous things that her character only wished she could have done.

Normally, (since I am a man) if I were in this situation I would find a way to do something so incredibly dangerous that it may kill me. Like maybe riding a dirt bike off of an airplane wing into a flaming tank of piranhas, but that is just me. No, instead our middle aged white actress (played by Laura Linney) decides to do crazy things like jump on the couch, dance in her living room, and date Oliver Platt (who is obviously playing the sensitive over-weight guy she knows she should truly be with).

At this point it is important to note that I only watched the ad online with the sound OFF. After looking on imdb.com I found out that the premise was exactly what I thought it was, even with the damn sound off! This only goes to show that American television’s expression of a woman’s freedom is dancing in the living room around all of her over-priced Ikea furniture. Maybe if Laura Linney’s character had spent more time living her life and not buying shitty furniture she wouldn’t have to run through some innate bucket list of things to do before she dies.

*Also, as a side note, I would like to point out that I was hoping that the “C” stood for cunt! I would rather see an average white woman become a raging cynical bitch to all of humanity after she is given said diagnosis than watch this currently televised piece of horse feces!

Filed under: Contemplations Tagged: acting, advice, articles, big c, contemplation, film, laura linney, Rant, reviews, television, the big c, thought

Habits you can reform and ones you can’t By Orlando Lima via Yahoo news : Article Reviewed by Stephen Shepard & Tabatha Williams

kslave2000 — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 17:38:42 +0000

Here’s some quick advice ladies: if any of this article actually applies to your current relationship, it is probably because your boyfriend is 15 or you found him by chatting in a MTV Beavis and Butthead Chatroom.

For the most part, men treat manners like women treat football teams — we don’t know much about them and we’re not pressed to learn. But if your guy’s less than couth, it doesn’t mean you’re stuck with an ape. Men can change — just not too much at once. If your guy’s social skills need a minor touch-up, here’s how to handle it. But if his offensive behavior always puts you in a tight situation, trade him in before he takes you down with him.

This should actually offend most women I know. Personally I know nothing of football or sports in general and I can admit that. I know more women who are into sports than this article suggests and to be honest I know more women (my girlfriend included) that may have less than nice manners.

Forgive and forgetThese types of blunders are more about personal taste than bad manners, so try to shrug them off instead of nagging to get your way: (this article is actually suggesting that you do these things than your usual nagging. To my knowledge women hate it when you point out that they are nagging)

You don’t like how he dresses. (Did you meet this man with your eyes closed?)

He plays music too loudly in the car. (Who doesn’t?)

He eats too quickly/noisily/unhealthily. (What is he? A nasty goat? This is something his mother should have taught him.)

He doesn’t turn down the TV when you get a phone call. (Grab the remote and hit mute! Or go into the next room.)

You disagree on how much to tip. (What is this, 1950? If you don’t like how much he tips, leave a couple bucks on the table when he leaves or hand it to the server yourself.)

There are ways to change his behavior, like offering him a trade of something he wants in exchange for minding his manners. “My boyfriend refused to tip more than 15 percent,” says Mary Stevens from Oak Bluffs, MA. “So we made a pact. If I think the tip should be bigger, he puts in extra cash, and I have to give him a back rub.” But bargaining isn’t necessary. Sure, you could struggle to change the idiosyncrasies that make your man an individual, but he may resent you for it later. So unless his tweaks cause major conflicts (like if they affect your values, relationships with others, or well-being), let them ride. “When you have to do favors to make a point, you’re just making the best out of being bribed,” says advice columnist Harriette Cole, co-host of “Pulse” on XM Satellite Radio’s Take Five channel and author of Choosing Truth: Living an Authentic Life. “You can live with a 15 percent tip”

This technique with bribing should have gone out with kindergarten. If your busy bribing your man, he didn’t spend too much time on chores or getting an allowance as a child.

Fix him up by toning him down (aka: remove his personality completely)By any definition, certain behaviors are impolite, so if your guy’s an offender, you can help him become appropriate. Some specific examples of when you can indeed jump in:

He curses too much. (Just like you do when you get too drunk or get together with your friends to gossip about everyone you know and don’t like.)

His table manners are suspect. (Once again, why is there a goat at the table?)

He makes jokes about your relationship to your friends. (General rule of thumb, this means you’ve only been dating him less than three months and seriously, if it is just a joke, why are we getting that upset?)

He makes no effort not to control his bodily sounds in public. (If this is the case, your not dating a man, your dating Homer Simpson.)

These types of behaviors happen because he doesn’t know any better. (If you have to take this into account; let me spell it out for you: “not knowing any better is a term we reserve for pets or toddlers.”) In situations like these it’s not what you say, but how you say it. Be honest. If your man is a keeper, he won’t object to a little refining. (If you have to label him as a keeper or not, that is a warning sign!) “Give him a gentle course in manners so he can flow with you wherever you go,” says Cole. (Or give him a gentle tap on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.) Some specifics: Don’t embarrass him by calling him out in front of people. Wait for a moment when you are alone together or can at least take him aside someplace where others can’t see or hear you. (This should be a general rule for all people. Do not embarrass each other in public at all.) It’s not what you say but how you say it. Be honest but use a gentle, non-patronizing tone. (This is something that I learned when I was 12. This is also refered to “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say it at all.”) A line that never fails is, “Darling (1950?), please listen to me for a second. I want to help you see something you may not see. I think you may not have realized how it came across tonight when you were (cursing about your boss/joking about our love life/burping a lot). I think it gave people the wrong impression about you…” Now that you’ve told him what went wrong, he can do damage control — or you two can figure out how to fix it together. (Or he can dump you and not go out with you again so that you can review his actions over the evening. Trust me if a guy thinks he had a good time with you only for you to end the evening with notes on his manners he won’t be going out with you again.) If you think he owes someone an apology, don’t be afraid to tell him so. “If he loves you, he should have noticed you don’t talk or behave a certain way,(but what if no one ever pointed it out to him before? Is he now supposed to be pyschic just because he loves you? He should now know automatically what YOU deem unexceptable?) and if you’re meant to be, he’ll take the chance to redeem himself,” promises Cole. (And then give him a cookie and send him off to a nap like a good boy because chances are he must be a 5 year old or some sort of inbred animal.)

Abandon shipForget trying to make a silk purse out of this sow’s ear. (I thought you wanted a relationship not a handbag or a pig’s appendage.) Certain behaviors are indicative of deeper problems that won’t be solved by a simple conversation: (Correct, he needs a therapist at this point.)

He’s rude to people he doesn’t know. (Ahem, those people are called a**holes.)

He always has to be right. (See my last note.)

He’s immature for his age. (Sooo, why were you dating him?)

He belittles you in front of people. (Once again, why were you dating this guy?)

He’s jealous of your friendships. (Is he a complete loner?)

This bum from Bumsville is the reason fathers are overprotective. It may seem romantic to date a bad boy who needs fixin’, but this character is broke beyond repair. “I dated a guy who didn’t like my friends, especially the guys,” says Sarah Phillips, 27 from San Francisco, CA. (Why did you date a guy that didn’t like your friends?) “He couldn’t give me a concrete reason why he didn’t like them, so I dumped him rather than giving up my friends.” It’s tempting to stick with a bad boy, (No it’s not, it’s just plain stupid.) but don’t delude yourself, he’s not going to change. And possessive or disrespectful behaviors are often the first signs that a guy will become emotionally and even physically abusive. (What about the women that are abusive and disrepectful? It’s as if the author of this article does not want to acknowledge that women can be as equally rude and disrepectful.) Bottom line: You’re too good for him. “It doesn’t matter how cute — or generous — he is, (Wait? He’s generous and disrepectful at the same time?) if he doesn’t have a clue about how to talk to you with respect, he doesn’t deserve a second chance,” says Cole. “He is the way he is. Jump ship before you’re locked in.” (Because we all know, that if you don’t change him he’ll chain you to his basement dungeon and then you’re really screwed.)

Orlando Lima, founder of Limachips Press + Consulting, has written for Cosmopolitan, InStyle, Vibe, and Interview and is author of the novel No Room for Squares.

It looks like this woman wrote this article after watching Animal House too many times. It seems like she has put men in two different classes, either your Prince Charming or you’re a caveman. Not only is this aritcle inacccurate, but it only perpetuates the myth that women are looking for a cute guy with money and are too stupid to see his character flaws until months later. Here is a quick tip ladies: if all you do is date bad boy assholes maybe it’s time to change your ways. Most likely if you do get your bad boy to change his ways you will notice a complete decline in his personality and suddenly wonder why it is he is so different compared to when you first met. You will find yourself telling him, “we’re just too different now.” So don’t be surprised when he replies ” then why did you want me to change?”

Filed under: Contemplations Tagged: activist, advice, business, contemplation, contradictory, dating, love, manners, Rant, scene, therapy, thought, thoughts, women

Free way to learn to love yourself!

kslave2000 — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 23:45:04 +0000

Now, I understand it can be quite hard, but believe me, it is possible. If you don’t believe me ask anyone who knows me. I truly do love myself as a person.

Go to a mirror, close your eyes. Take a deep breath, exhale slowly. Now open your eyes. Look at yourself. Really LOOK at yourself.

Now before you start criticizing yourself…say out loud, “I love me. I am awesome and amazing, screw everyone else because I love me.”

Seriously after a few months of this you really should begin to believe yourself. One thing about humans is that if something is told to us often enough we believe it. Completely.

Self help books, seminars, gurus, etc. are all a joke. You will never learn to love yourself until you tell yourself you do.

Please stop spending your hard earned money on scams. Just convince yourself of what is the truth. You are a person who is worth something and that you love you for who you are!

Learn to love yourself by reminding your brain that you do!

See and that was free!!!

Filed under: Contemplations Tagged: advice, contemplation, free, guru, happiness, love, Rant, self help, seminar, therapy, thought

Light and Dark

kslave2000 — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 00:00:29 +0000

Dark and light entwined together.

You cannot have one without the other.

One for day and one for night.

Silver of the moon bask in her light.

Gold of the sun.

Who says we cannot be but one?

Our love is more.

They shall see.

For they will never be able to separate you from me.

Dark and light entwined together.

We will remain that way forever.

Filed under: Contemplations, Horror/Suspense Tagged: contemplation, Contemplations, dance, death, love, Pagan, Poem, Rant, Religious, spiritual, therapy, thought, thoughts, Wiccan

Light and Dark pt 1

kslave2000 — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 01:44:51 +0000

She appears. So innocent and demure. You feel the need to protect her. Small and light. Pure.

She is twisted and dark inside. You need protection from her wrath as there is no fury such as hers. Small and light. Pureness covered in the sludge of evil deeds and thoughts caused by the stupidity of sheep disguised as humans.

What is light is not always good and what is dark is not always evil…..

Filed under: Contemplations, Horror/Suspense, Uncategorized Tagged: Contemplations, death, disease, guilty, Horror, Poem, Rant, spiritual, therapy, thoughts

Horror Circus

kslave2000 — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 19:33:30 +0000

The circus is coming to town.

The deviant music pumps as atrocities the like you’ve never seen before are performed for you pleasure.

The bearded lady tickles the sac of an elephant she has managed to engulf in her large throat.

The midgets gyrating for their life on small circular stages with a center pole inside cages as the blood of pigs is poured over them.

The trapeze artists fornicating in mid-flight. Sequined tights, with strategically placed openings, light bouncing off like a disco ball and shining on the activities below.

The Ring Master laughs maniacally as he randomly flicks his whip and leaves the audiences clothes in tatters as they choose among the freaks to enjoy.

Lobster boy sitting in a pot of boiling water, screaming, turning a bright pinkish red. The wolf-man drooling as he adds seasoning to the pot.

The dwarvish mother and her full grown giant boy, playing incestuous games in the giant playpen. Lots of pea colored baby food covering their misshapen bodies.

The tigers being forced to mate with the contortionist. the women screaming and howling in their pretzel forms trying to dodge the swiping claws coming closer to their faces, barbed penis’ working their way in and out of their delicate thighs.

The circus is coming to town. Lock your doors and hide your children.

The circus is coming tonight. A big top of horror and pleasures.

Filed under: Contemplations, Horror/Suspense Tagged: Contemplations, death, disease, guilty, Horror, Poem, Rant, sex, spiritual, Suspense, therapy, thought